So I live 5 hours away from my parents. Now, for the first time since I was 16, I'm not working...I like to call it temporarily retired. It's kind of a blessing in a way - not having a responsibility to a job and it being summer when this whole thing came about. I have 2 daughters, 6 and 9 so we don't have to worry about school and can up and leave at a moments notice.
Still...the hardest thing is being so far away. When I am with them, I feel calm and confident. He doesn't look or act sick at all. In fact he says he feels great. In a way, it is easier to be in denial about the cancer when I am with him. It's when I am so far away that I get to worrying. I've been having trouble sleeping again. I may need to get some sleeping pills or something because lack of sleep is starting to affect me. Last night I spent half the night reading Deepak Chopra's Buddha and half the night having bizarre dreams about the book.
Well, just 2 days until we find out the staging and get started on a treatment plan. I can't wait - I think that once we are able to start fighting back, I should be able to sleep better. Every day that we wait, these tumors grow and it's driving me nuts.
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